It's the Start of Something Big

Big news around here. Since everyone knows I attract the crazy like a cold to a toddler, I've decided to start a new blog just for my Mecca (Target) (ok, well really anywhere) stories. I want this to be a contribution blog and anyone who wants to participate is more than welcome to link love and sharing the funny/crazy/bizarre you see out in the world (even if at some point you have or will post it on your blog).

The big unveiling:

http://theaislefiles.blogspot.com

I'm envisioning grocery carts for a template.

So go, go now, give it a look and tell me what you think.

Fluent in Sarcasm*

Often what I want to say and what I actually say are two very different things**. What I verbalize is often a softer, more sugar-coated version of what the voice in my head is screaming. I'll share a few examples without revealing who these things are directed at even though some may be obvious.

For example:

What I want to say: Your alarm goes off at the same time every morning for 30 minutes. If I can hear it why don't you turn it off and get the hell up?
What I actually say: (Smile and wave when I see this neighbor)

What I want to say: You drive like an asshole.
What I actually say: Aren't you following a little too closely for this rate of speed?

What I want to say: You're a hypocrite and you create self-fulfilling prophecies. I'm sick of hearing what's wrong in your life, DO something about it instead of just complaining.
What I actually say: Well, it never hurts to think positive, look on the bright side and hope for the best. (I avoid this person like the plague)

What I want to say: You're children are a disaster and your parenting skills are even worse.
What I actually say: Maybe you could ask your kids not to play in the street and ram their bikes into oncoming cars as a game. I'd hate to see one of them get injured.

What I want to say: I get really pissed off when you don't do what you say you will. It makes me feel like you don't care and I can't depend on you.
What I actually say: You say you really care but your actions and words don't seem to match.

What I want to say: Towing someone's car immediately after coming home from the emergency room at nearly 1AM is cruel and heartless, especially when it was only parked at the curb cut for less than 10 ten minutes. And this car has been sitting in the fire lane with a flat tire, windows down with the seats slashed and a hairbrush on the hood.
What I actually say: Is there any way you could refund the impound fee since the car was clearly not in the fire lane when it was towed?

What do you wish you could really say instead of what you actually say?

* I love this phrase, but don't remember where I heard it, saw it or read it. If anyone knows, please let me know so I can give proper credit and link love.
** I saw a post using this style somewhere a while ago and again, don't remember where. If you know, please tell me so proper credit and link love can be given.

Home Improvement

I'm in this strange place of limbo. Now that I have my cast off, my mobility is greatly improved, (although, let's not kid ourselves, I did pretty much everything the doctor told me not to do). But I can't return to the massage intern clinic until I get the doctor to sign off on it and so far that's not happening.

Instead I've been entertaining myself with some home improvement projects.

Observe:

New curtains for the bedroom:

Ceiling fan for the living room:

Which is possibly better viewed here, but I chose to put the black side of the blades down.

This one is a two-fer:
The PERFECT artwork to hang above the piano. Although, looking at this, I realize my picture is crooked. Be right back. Ok, fixed. (Am I the only one that if I see a crooked picture, regardless of where I might be, I have to fix it?)

The new digital thermostat since I couldn't ever seem to keep the temperature regulated.

Up close:

Then I hung this light which was waaaaaaaaaay more challenging than I thought, because I was replacing a can light which fits recessed deeply into the ceiling, but luckily the nice orange-aproned men at Home Depot knew there was an adapter plate to fix this.

I still have a kitchen faucet to install, but since I have better knowledge of electricity than I do of plumbing, I've been holding off. THIS is not the exact one, but almost identical.

Also, who knew faucets could be so expensive? The one I originally liked turned out to be $549. Obviously I was forced into a second choice.

So have you done any home improvements lately? If not, what would you change about your living space?

This One is NOT a Giveaway

For Sale:
Two adorable dogs who will:

• consistently wake you up way too early (think 4am)
• love endless walks and don't care if you have a broken ankle or not
• constantly demand to be fed raw steak (one dog may or may not be able to open the fridge on his own)
  
• sit at your feet barking continuously while you try to talk on the phone thus forcing you to take all calls in the bathroom where cell phone reception is at its worst
  
• eat entire boxes of tissues providing for much constipation and some interesting bowel movements.
  

Price: One million Canadian dollars (hey, their dollar is worth more than the US dollar, no?) plus an act of US Congress.

The Truth: I love these dogs to pieces, but could someone PLEASE help me teach them to sleep in and let me talk on the phone?

Finish this thought...

...in five words or less including the word "fortunate."

The attitude of gratitude...

Maybe the Hummer Would Have Been A Better Idea

But it was entertaining to watch this accident-waiting-to-happen attempt to maneuver through the extremely tight parking lot for 20 minutes. Am I alone in thinking a CDL should be mandatory for certain vehicles or in this case attachments?

Walking on Air?

Just a fun picture captured while I was downtown:

Don't forget about the book giveaway below if you are interested.

Angels and Demons

No, I've not seen the movie, but I do have the book to give away as well as a few others.

You know the drill, leave it in the comments if you want one. Or just leave a comment.

Angels and Demons Dan Brown

Deception Point Dan Brown

Because of Winn Dixie Kate DiCamillo (this one is ideally suited to a young reader, maybe 8-10 years old?)

I Feel Bad About My Neck Nora Ephron (very funny read)

I Am Not Myself These Days Josh Kilmer-Purcell

Happy Birthday or Whatever- Track Suits, Kim Chee, and Other Family Disasters Annie Choi (if you or anyone close to you is in a dysfunctional family, this is hysterical)

Life Strategies Phillip McGraw (confession: this was given to me about ten years ago and I never read it. If I'm really missing something, someone clue me in.)

Daily Reflections for Highly Effective People Stephen R. Covey (I referred to this often when I managed a group of people who were least likely to fit together, but isn't that what keeps office life exciting?)

Change Please?

So yesterday I finally got my cast off, only to have it replaced with a super sexy ugly, black monster of a walking boot. For those of you who have never had a cast, especially one for over two months, I'll tell you....it's really ugly under there when it comes off.

I was going to post pictures, but after seeing them myself, I was so horrified, I decided against it as I don't want to run off the few readers I have left.

(By the way, if I haven't posted in over a week? Someone poke me!)

Instead, I'll share this little anomaly with you. I decided to treat myself to lunch to celebrate this small victory and since money has been a little tight, chose a place, a very cool place mind you, I could use a coupon.

I sat on the patio, ate, enjoyed fresh air and when the server brought my check, this is what I found:
That's right, a zero balance with $1 back as change. When I questioned, she assured me it was right.

Who am I to judge what math/computer/mercury retrograde error occurred? I tipped her well, thanked the Universe and hobbled along my merry way.

Picture Pages, Picture Pages

Picture pages, picture pages, oh I love my picture pages, time to get your crayons annnnnnnnnd your pen.....cils!

Does anyone else remember Bill Cosby from Picture Pages? Just me?

Ahem.

Ok then, just a few more pictures from the Olympic Sculpture Park.

Ride the bike, play a song:



I've actually seen this one in several cities. It's called The Eagle.



What would Seattle be without a picture of water and mountains in the background?
Do you have a favorite piece of artwork in your city?

Wi-Fi in the Sky

Guess what?

I'm using Wi-Fi, up high, roughly 35,000 ft to be exact! Delta is offering Wi-Fi service on certain flights. Since I view the internet as the best invention ever, I could be entertained for hours with this service, too bad the flight isn't longer.

As most know, I recently went to Seattle for a visit and loved every minute. I thought I'd share a few pictures from my trip. Recently the new Olympic Sculpture Park was completed and I was lucky enough to get some great shots.

Behold:

Uncommon view of the Space Needle:


A statue I have always loved of Father and Son:


Quick review, I love the idea of the service, but in reality, it's likely best for just checking email or blogging without pictures. I still give it a thumbs up and think it will only get better with time. I'll share the remaining pictures in a later post. What do you do on airplanes to entertain yourself?

The Light Is On!

Since I am not yet able to articulate exactly what I want to say regarding previous situation, I will share this with you instead.

When I came back from Seattle, there was a light illuminated on the dash of my car that I had not seen before. I returned to the service department of the mothership dealership, Boardwalk Auto Group, a group of auto manufacturers including Audi, VW, Porche and Lamborghini.

I took the car to my assigned service representative who was the kindest person I have ever dealt with in the service area of ANY car dealership in my life.

He said leave the car and let me get you a loaner. I shrugged, hoping it wouldn't take too long and figured I'd get something pretty standard.

This is what he brought me:



I know it's only mine for a few hours, but I feel like one lucky lady. They sure know how to tempt you into wanting to buy a new car and this one is pulling at my heart. HARD. Is two months too soon to trade in my new car? (Of course it is, that doesn't even need an answer!) Good thing they didn't pull around a Porche for me, huh?

So if you could have any car in the world, what would it be?

Explanation....of sorts

As most have noticed, the blog has been closed for a few days. This has been due to extraordinary circumstances which I will explain in a later post.

For now I just want to say thank you for the support so many have given me. I have been in Seattle for a few days spending time with some of my closest friends who have been backing me while I take the time to process these events.

Thanks to all who reached out and let me know you cared; its means the world to me at this point. It's good to be needed just as much as I need all of you.