Sometimes Dreams Really Do Come True

***Before you read any further, I know I have had quite a few lurkers in the past weeks and months and not the friendly kind (St Augustine, FL, I'm looking at you). Please keep in mind that the internet is analogous to television, if you don't like one channel, there are hundreds of others to watch.


Do you ever have a dream, a wish or a hope for so long you wonder if it will ever come true? Maybe it seems so far fetched, like trying to nail Jell-O to the ceiling or just beyond the grasp of anyone’s reach that it can’t possibly ever happen. Yet you continue to believe, even if it’s just that tiny little bit inside you that refuses to give up. You don’t always acknowledge this part of yourself, yet you know it’s still there.

I’ve had a secret of sorts. For 33 years I have carried this secret. I was never supposed to talk about it growing up, unless it was a prearranged conversation, behind closed doors and only with my Mother. The criteria of even speaking about this subject made me feel there was something intrinsically wrong with me, something so horrible we mustn’t let anyone know for fear of being shunned by the community. What is this huge secret you ask?

I am adopted by my Father.

He was always a good provider, made sure we had what we needed, but emotionally cold and unable to express emotion. Growing up it seemed like he was allergic to emotional connection. There were very few hugs, hardly one or two “I love yous” and certainly not any bonding. I came to realize the opposite of love is indifference.

For years I have longed to know my real Dad. My biological Dad. The one I always secretly thought about on Fathers Day. The one I was just so sure, no matter what my Mother said, couldn’t possibly be like the man sitting in the living room, barely speaking. If he ever did speak, it was glacially slow and he would often stop in the middle as if he had forgotten he had ever been speaking in the first place.

Last night, that dream of a lifetime came true. A week previous, on Father’s Day in fact, I did some serious online searching and found the one I was 90% sure was him. I sent a very simple email, that if he was the one, please respond to _______ email address. If he was the one and wanted to not hear from me, that was ok, just let me know, and I would be silent and not bother him again.

Having recently come home from the hospital, I had fallen asleep on the couch around 7pm and when I woke there was the flashing light on the Blackberry. Bleary eyed, I looked at the messages and one was from him.

I was so nervous as I clicked it open, all the possibilities running through my head at once. What if it wasn’t the right person? What if it WAS the right person, but he wanted nothing to do with me? Scariest of all, what if it was the right person and he wanted to talk, to really get to know me and welcomed me back into his life?

This last option is, of course, what I wanted most, but also caused the most terror in me. What would I say? What might he say? How does one bridge a gap of 33 years in one conversation?

As I clicked it open I found a very simple message with a subject line of “Answered Prayers” and the body of the email a simple sentence that shook me to my core:

“My precious child I have waited for a lifetime for this day please call______.”

Mustering my moxie, I nervously dialed the phone and it was like instant word salad. We both had words tumbling about; there were tears and laughter. We both tried to catch each other up as quickly as possible, one story triggering the next. It was late and we agreed to talk again in a few days. I don’t know where it will go from here, but even to have talked on the phone that one time means the world to me. It means I am loved.

Needless to say, my heart, head and spirit were overwhelmed with joy as the dream of a lifetime finally came true.

(photo credit to Dry Icons)


***New Post at The Aisle Files about self check out, your thoughts?